


Ignorance Is Bliss

by Myrime



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 2012 avengers, Bruce has given up on getting them to be normal, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Secret Relationship, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Tony didn't sign up for this, clint is a little shit, naked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 12:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20340217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrime/pseuds/Myrime
Summary: Stumbling over three naked Avengers in the towers' living room is not enough to surprise Tony anymore. What he cannot quite explain is how they roped Bruce into it. He's supposed to be the one with common sense. Thor's presence might explain his lapse in judgement.





	Ignorance Is Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> Another entry for the [Iron Man Bingo 2019 Round 2](https://iron-man-bingo.tumblr.com/), square: Avengers' Game Night
> 
> Enjoy.

“Has anyone seen my –” The rest of the question dies on Tony’s lips as he stumbles over his own feet, coming to an abrupt halt at the scene in front of him.

Clint and Thor sit facing each other on the ground of their living room, with Bruce as the top of their little triangle – which in itself would not be the strangest thing Tony has found his teammates doing. The thing is, they are naked.

Well, Clint and Thor are naked, while Bruce is apparently still wearing pants, but there are still three naked men sitting in Tony’s tower, staring at each other as if they are waiting for the others to combust.

Tony wishes he could say he is surprised. He certainly did not anticipate this exact scene, but life with the other Avengers has quickly cured him from expecting his life to be normal. They all have bad days and scars, but they are also, all in their own way, crazy. Tony does not exclude himself from that list, but he is pretty sure he has not yet reached Clint’s level.

Alerted by Tony’s question, the three men look up with varying degrees of eagerness. Bruce, for one, looks one wrong word away from fleeing back to India. 

“I’m not going to ask,” Tony says quickly, raising up his hands in front of his chest to signal his surrender.

It is too late, though, because Thor perks up, a wide smile on his face. “We are conducting a ritual,” he says with all the enthusiasm of a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

Slowly, Tony backs away. “I said I’m not asking.” It is a futile attempt to get out of this, but Tony wants to be able to say later that he tried.

In the background, Bruce grimaces as if he has already tried to talk sense into their friends. As if that has ever worked. Common sense has never had any impact on any of them. Neither does reason.

Thor shifts to be better able to face Tony, thereby offering a better view of himself. In response, Tony raises his hands even higher, trying to shield his eyes. The sight before him is quite nice, of course, but that does not mean he wants to see it without warning on a Thursday afternoon.

“Clint has been so kind to involve me in a special ritual meant to welcome warriors into the midst of their peers,” Thor explains, completely oblivious to the shit-eating grin on Clint’s face.

Unable to help himself, Tony asks, “Which requires you to be –” He gestures at their bare bodies, taking care not to look.

Somehow, a naked Thor is even more impressively large than he is in his armour. That might be because he holds himself entirely without shame. It helps that he has the kind of superhuman physique that even Steve can only dream of. Clint, too, has not just muscular arms. Even Bruce, with his comparable softness, has nothing to be ashamed of.

“Of course,” Clint speaks up in a tone containing a warning for Tony not to mess this up. His eyes are dancing with barely suppressed laughter. “How else is he going to prove he is worthy even without any Asgardian knickknacks?”

By not using them, Tony supposes but does not say it. He is sure it is better not to get involved. In any case, Thor looks happy. All of them thought of getting Thor naked at some point, so Tony should not ruin Clint’s game just because the archer managed it. That leaves the question why Bruce let himself be roped into this. He is the only one with sense among them, after all. 

“But Brucie is allowed to keep his pants on?” Tony asks, unable to keep all of his scepticism out of his tone.

Clint’s glare becomes more intense. “He’s been naked around us often enough,” he answers dryly, not so politely referring to Tony’s up until now failed attempts to create Hulk-safe pants for Bruce. “And it wouldn’t be good if the referee’s nudity would distract the applicant. So, he’s here to make sure things don’t go out of hand.”

Tony snorts at Bruce’s sour expression. “How would they ever?” he asks with heavy sarcasm. At the same time, though, he gets an inkling what this is about. He is just wondering whether Clint truly thinks this is going to work.

“Have you not yet been inducted, Man of Iron?” Thor asks, sounding concerned of all things. “Surely a warrior of your renown would want to be a part of this magnificent order?”

At some point, Tony will have to pull Clint aside and share a bottle of the good stuff with him for the good work he has done here, filling Thor up with more stories about weird habits on Earth.

“Oh, we founded a sect now?” Tony asks, turning his laughter into a smirk. “What’s its name? Hawkeye’s Merry Fools?”

Before Clint has to defend his mad scheme, Thor does so eagerly. “There’s no need for jealousy. I am certain you will be asked to join too.” With a gentle expression, he adds, “If permitted, I will be your sponsor.”

An image flashes through Tony’s mind of himself naked amongst these men. He wonders what parts of the _ritual_ he has already missed. Chanting? Sparring? Talking about their most secret feelings?

“My sponsor?” he asks, despite knowing better than to indulge this madness. All he wanted was his tablet. He should be backing out of the room, perhaps outright run.

“Like Bruce is for me,” Thor says, directing a blinding smile at Bruce. “He’s overseeing the ritual.”

Tony desperately wants to ask how Bruce let himself be pulled into this. Surely, there is an easier way for him to get Thor naked. Knowing the god, a simple question would have sufficed, no explanation needed. Although a mere look from Bruce’s wide, hopeful eyes, would not have gone amiss either.

Getting those two to admit their obvious attraction to each other is like pulling teeth, though, painful and taking too long. 

“That’s nice of him,” Tony drawls, glaring at Bruce as if he can mentally get some answers from him. “Say, this ritual doesn’t happen to get any more physical than this?”

Clint’s grin grows as much as Bruce’s expression grows tighter. Still oblivious, Thor nods enthusiastically, sending his hair flying.

“We will fight to prove my worth,” he exclaims with distinct happiness. “I have left the mighty Mjolnir in my rooms for this.”

Out of their own volition, Tony’s eyes travel down, following a line of Thor’s golden hair down his abdomen, until he catches himself. “Please don’t destroy my tower,” he says with forced nonchalance.

“Many things can happen during trials like this,” Thor replies, not sounding reprimanded or guilty at all. “Most of the damage happens during the revelry afterward.”

As one, Tony and Clint look at Bruce. Before Tony can ask the obvious question, Clint pipes up, proven Tony’s thoughts true.

“That’s what Bruce is here for,” Clint says cheerfully. “Once the ritual is done, he will accompany Thor back to his rooms to make sure that his spirit settles safely.”

Getting with the program, Tony cocks his head to the side as if thinking hard. “And I guess there will still be no clothes around for that part.”

With more fake earnestness than Tony would have possible, Clint nods. “Naturally.”

As far as plans to push Thor and Bruce together go, this one is not even the worst Tony could think of. Common sense and less than subtle comments have not yet led to any result – other than Bruce blushing and Thor ranting about the many merits of their resident not-that-kind-of-doctor. Neither of them has taken the hint, however. In fact, they always seem to take two steps back for every one they manage to take forward. 

Still, Tony is pretty sure he does not want to have anything to do with this. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

Before he can take more than a step towards the door, Clint says with too much innocence to be believable, “We could use another referee. You know, to make sure that my spirit settles again too.”

For a tiny moment, Tony is tempted to say yes. Not because he particularly wants to get naked with his fellow Avengers, but because he wants to see where this is going. Thor is not naïve. He is loud and brash and easily excitable, but he should have figured out that this is a rather badly thought out scheme of Clint’s pretty easily. Yet, here he is, naked on the ground, smiling happily as he goes along with whatever nonsense script Clint has for them.

More than that, he wants to get his hands on Bruce – not literally – to find out how exactly Clint has threatened him into playing along.

In the end, his self-preservation instincts win over his curiosity. That is a new development the Avengers caused too. Tony does not need to know everything anymore.

“Thank you, birdbrain, but I wouldn’t want to disturb your ritual,” he says, pulling his face into something resembling regret if not for the laughter in his eyes. “Since I’m not part of the secret club, I might accidentally destroy your progress.”

He is definitely going to keep an eye on the surveillance feed, though. It is hardly an invasion of privacy if they eel themselves naked in the common areas.

Perhaps he is even going to send Steve up without warning. His reaction would surely be worth the ensuing yelling. Also, there is the small, almost non-existent chance that Steve would join in. He is all for team bonding, after all. Tony would not miss that for anything in the world.

“Well, you know where to find us if you change your mind,” Clint says, sounding just the slightest bit disappointed.

“I certainly do.” Tony decides to take the whole situation with good humour. “Good luck, Thor. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.”

Something flashes over Thor’s face too quickly for Tony to interpret. “Thank you, Man of Iron,” he then booms. “I believe what I want is right within reach.”

That – is a curious phrasing, even for Thor. When Tony whips up his head to look at Bruce, he sees the last remnants of a grin fade quickly from his face. It was not just a _my co-workers are crazy but I’m playing along_ grin. No, this one was a fully blown _I know something you don’t so I’ll have the last laugh_ grin.

Tony wonders whether they might not have all miscalculated Thor’s ability to keep a secret. This will need further investigation.

“I’ll keep an eye on you,” he promises with a last sharp look at Bruce and Thor, and a questioning one at Clint.

“You do that,” Bruce answers serenely, as if he has never had a problem with being watched. “It might be interesting what you find. These rituals tend to bring out curious things in people.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
